Goodbye School

     The first level of any video game is always the easiest. It gives you a sense of what the game is like without all the danger of seriously difficult bad guys and hard quests. If the first level was too difficult, you might get discouraged and make a quick decision that the game is no good, resulting in nobody playing it. The same thing goes for school. I showed up to college, enrolled in four classes and had 16 credits like most of my class mates. this seemed like the easy level 1, but I forgot something crucial: my gameboy is broken.

     I had been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for most of my high school years. It is entirely a symptom of school. Being an outgoing and seemingly happy person, most people would not guess that depression or anxiety are things I struggle with, but it's the unfortunate truth. When I got to school and started taking classes and having homework, it was very apparent to me that something was wrong. I wasn't very happy with any of my classes and I had to read way more than I ever thought was possible. For someone with dyslexia and attention deficit disorder, long reading assignments are a huge source of anxiety. I was more than unhappy with school so I knew I had to make a change. I promised myself that if I ever started having the kinds of thoughts and feelings that I did in high school I would stop doing whatever it was that was the source of those feelings. So when I was 5 weeks into college and miserable I knew I had to stop. 

     Back to the video game analogy. Sure the first level was too hard for me, but that doesn't mean there isn't something easier. It wasn't that I didn't like being there, In fact quite the opposite. I loved being there. I love smart people and I love being able to play ultimate frisbee and I love partying, but ultimately my mental health came first. What I'm saying is this: I'm not done with school but I am done with school for right now. for the next two months I will be working on trying to jumpstart a professional career. Whether it be online or as a videographer or whatever else I might discover in the next two months, I plan to start my life. However, if I realize at the end of the two months that my goals are a little bit more unachievable than previously thought, I will return to school. This time however, I will be on super duper easy mode. I would be Take less classes and preferably ones not in the classroom, I would utilize the counseling center as well as my adviser and hopefully not run into another road block. If upon returning to school and finding myself in the same state I was when I left, then I will need to do some serious reflection and reevaluation. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.